Hello you can call me the comeback kid. I've been inspired by celeste to start posting stuff on my blog again. And by inspiration I mean that she just mentioned the words "Have you seen her blog ?" Yes label me weird. But it's just like how I treat the SIMS game - start playing after a long while, use the cheat code to earn lots of money to buy loads of things and build a cool house that I can't afford 5 lifetimes in reality, play with the buggers for a while then get bored and stop, only to start the vicious cycle a few months (or even years) later.

Anywhoooo, I've been back almost a month now. My summer's moving pretty slow, compared to christmas break. First week back I was out due to major jetlag. So the entire week was spent sleeping. Partied with the netballers on ladies' night of the second week, and then by the end of the week I had to undergo minor surgery. So the 3rd week of my break was spent staying at home and being so damn bored. Now I'm into the fourth week and my official days out start tomorrow. And the first contestant is PAMELA ER SHU YAN.

The surgery was worth it though, a huge part of my horrendous scar is now gone. Just a thin line left, which I'm doing my very best to take care of to minimise scarring.

Aussie trip's all set, 31st July to 4th Aug :] This will be my first holiday without my parents, besides those I took in Europe. But those were so near England so they're not really counted. Crashing at Gaby's place, going to be fun fun fun!

Miss Brizzle though, the amount of freedom I have at least. Not that I'm not getting any here, but there I don't have to explain myself to anyone. Or at least didn't have the obligation to. Nights out/random debates in the kitchen/spontaneous trips to london/listening to stories of Mo's and KV's hilarious teachers and schoolmates/visits to CHH/shopping at Cabot/chilling with Flat 23/Brizzle people are just some of the things I miss.

It's funny how you convince yourself that this is what is going to happen in the future, worried that the exact opposite and undesired effect will occur. Yet, when you've actually successfully convinced yourself when the near future finally arrives, you wonder how come all of this is so easy. And whether it's because you've been psycho-ing yourself for months, or that you're just plain heartless. I don't believe I'm that heartless, there has to be another explanation-

Ok I'm going to paint the nails of my right hand now. Typing with one hand is no joke.

I HAD THE MOST AWESOME WEEK :]

Saturday:

Went to Wala Wala for drinks, supposed to be a class thing but it ended being only Xuan, Keith and I. But it was really good fun. Xuan left early, leaving Keith and I at Wala chatting and catching up a pretty hefty load. Saw Jen there too, got to talking for a few minutes, although she didn't recognise me at first and looked away when I smiled at her making me feel like an idiot. She only started to slowly remember me after I approached her and asked her who I was. Left there at about 1.30 for home.

Sunday:

Haven't been to church for 2 weeks cos of my cough, so I went for the sunset mass with my mum and my aunt from Penang. My aunt had some really major personal matters so she asked my mum to make a mass petition for a few family members. She was sharing her problems with my mum during the car ride to the church and she's going through a very hard time. Personally I've never felt like God isn't there for me during the tough times, for the fact that whenever I'm down about something, the sharing or opening prayer during mass kind of feels directed to me or is very applicable to my situation. Or my most favourite hymns will be sung during that mass and I have the chance to sing my frustrations out. And Sunday proved to be the exact same thing, only not for me but for my aunt this time. The opening prayer went something like how a good friend will be there for someone to get through a crisis, and that God will always be there for those in pain. The entire mass was pretty much like this, about how we don't go experience hurt alone. The moment I came out from mass I felt really weird, I don't know if this is even possible, but I felt extreme happiness and sadness at the same time. This is why we need to believe in a higher power, so that it is easier to experience such miracles and hope that you just can't, but most importantly, don't have to explain. I LOVE IT.

Monday:

Had work on Monday, met another girl who was working there Shanti for the first time. She is probably one of the nicest and friendliest human beings in the entire world. No exaggeration. And the pre-primary ballet girls are so adorable but they all look the same. Felt pretty useless and blur, being only my second day and all and I wasn't familiar with the work.

Tuesday:

Lunch at AC with Gaby, Kah Yee, Johanna, Gen, Luddy and her Melbourne friend. Curry Yong Tau Foo baby! Sandy came after a while to join us. Went looking for teachers but they all weren't around, like they all had a PE conference or something. Ended up chilling at the bleachers. Managed to chat with Johanna about her course in Uni and the teachers in Kellock. She's learning Marine Science which I think is really cool, and she gave me a contact to learn diving ! So awesome I realy want to do it. Not sure if the parents will allow, shall run it by them soon. Gaby, Kah Yee, Sandy, Johanna, Gen and Luddy's friend left from AC, while Luddy and I headed over to Island Creamery for some yummy ice cream. While waiting for the pedestrian crossing man to turn green, the 74 bus we were supposed to take passed us. So we just decided to take a cab, and I don't usually take cabs unless I'm really late. Maybe because it was only Tuesday and I still had most of my allowance with me. FANG AND GERRY MET US THERE :] I'm so so so glad they're back! Headed over to Fang's place, and I played Guitar Hero for the very first time. At first I made fun of Luddy for being hooked on it (sorry Luddy), but now I can understand why, and I think I'm starting to get hooked on it too. Though I kinda suck haha. Then we had to go over to Jia Zhi's house cos Gerry had to tutor her little brother from 4-6. Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory while waiting. Pretty funny Willy Wonka, Johnny Depp's kinda creepy though. Once the movie ended Fang and I went back to her place for dinner. Waited at the bus stop for the bus but laziness kicked in again and we took a cab instead. Played more of Guitar Hero, had the privilege to watch her sis play at the EXPERT LEVEL. Her fingers move extremely fast my jaw just dropped. Had the most amazing fish and chips ever, and it was home-cooked. Honestly better than the ones they sell outside for a ridiculous price. And her family is so friggin nice, I love going over. Went to Island again for a second round of ice cream before heading home.

Wednesday:

Work again with Chew :] I asked her to let me handle most of the things to be done so that I could learn and I did. so by the end of the day I figured that the job is pretty easy and I managed to get the hang of it. Too bad it had to be the last time that we'll be working together. Work was kinda like a way for us to catch up while earning some extra cash at the same time. But she has school on Wednesday evenings now which really bites. Which means I have to handle the desk on my own from next week onwards. BRING IT ON.

Today:

Met Boon for lunch, had the most most fantastically tasting pasta with fresh crab meat in tomato sauce at Marmalade Pantry over at Palais Renaissance. Best pasta I've ever tasted no doubt. We exchanged gifts we bought when we went overseas over there. She bought me 2 different types of chocolate bars. Had one about an hour ago and it is Yummy. Went to Cedele at Wheelock to visit Priscilla working there, decided to share a piece of chocolate truffle cake even though we were 96% full from our lunch already. The cake was really chocolately, and I have never called a chocolate cake sinful until today. The 3 bosses of Cedele were there, and they paid their "bill" at the same time as us. The receipt had a list of all the dishes and drinks they ordered like an ordinary receipt, but the price allocated for all of them were $0. Amazing. Did major shopping today, first Topshop then Zara. Now I have to ask for an advance in my allowance haha. But I'm satisfied now that I havenew clothes and shoes :]

Going over to Fang's house for more Guitar Hero and then dinner with the 4/9ers at Bugis. Wooh excited.

Went to see the doctor today since there's been extremely stubborn phlaegm in my system that refuses to camp somewhere else. She was really nice, responding to my jokes about my condition and stuff. I pray the medicine she prescribed me works better than the pieces of crap I've been taking so far.

First day of work at Dance Arts tomorrow, excited to make some moola for myself. And any job with Chew's gotta be fun :]

Yay Gerry, Luddy and Gaby's back! Fang should be back today. All the overseas kids are back and we're all ready to party :]

I've just finished the entire season of The Real World: Sydney and I must say it's one of the best shows ever. It's not a very intelligent show I admit, but it does teach you a lot about the type of people that exist in the world and the way certain people handle conflict. I think most of us are fond of screaming and yelling at each other, and we all can only take this much. But after watching the show and watch adults bicker like petty teenagers is kind of sad. We all have to come in contact with people that we have a total clash of character with, but if that is how they deal with such clashing then they probably would not go very far when it comes to work or just plain socialising. Sometimes you really just have to be a man and say sorry, but really mean it and not attach a sarcastic remark to your apology. Maybe I am taking this show a little bit seriously but my time in Singapore is slowly running short and I have to start from scratch in a whole different country where the people there are totally different. The show is definitely more dramatic and tense since these people have to spend almost every waking minute together, but it's inevitable for us to have to get into an argument some point in our lives. Looking back I have handled certain conflicts in a very humiliating and uncivilised way for the other party, but certainly not as bad as the people on the show. But there have been times when I was too sensitive and heated in the moment and the other party was made to feel less of a human being. No matter what the circumstances, no matter what they did or did not do, they did not deserve to be talked to and treated that way. And coincidentally 2 of these people's names start with P, and 1 starts with a C. I feel very dirty for doing that, even though both these incidents have occured more than 2 years ago. But I really do owe them an apology even though these issues are way past the 4 of us, and I'm going to find some way to apologise to them.

There are people who truly truly truly are just downright mean and insincere in their hearts, and it makes you appreciate those who are geniune in whatever they say or do and they make others feel good. Up to this point I have found such people who are true in what they say or act around you, and it's such people that you can't bear to think of never having to see or speak to ever again. Now I am trying to clear all the bad seeds in my circle of friends, and although I am admitting that certain showdowns with certain people were uncalled for, I feel that some of them I should not feel regretful for. Certain individuals need to know how they are acting, and whether you tell them nicely or in the heat of an argument such people still do not try to make an effort to change. Sometimes we need to get our egos crushed to realise the importance to change the way we act around others and how we are making other people feel. I believe that if you sincerely consider a group of people your good friends, you should really care about what they think of you and how they see you as a person. Cause if you're not well-liked by the very people you consider your close friends then people who have just met you are more or less not going to like your behaviour and character. This is an ongoing issue currently and it's something I'm going to have to deal with very soon. But if I can't talk about this on my blog which probably no one on the entire planet reads then I have no friggin clue as to who else to talk to and discuss about it. It is so damn hard to talk about such things when both sides are all in the same circle. There have been 2 seperate opinions of the issue, but we all belong to one group. Sometimes I really wish I speak to God in person cause he's the only person who knows what's the absolute right thing to do in such situations. Honestly there is no use in sitting such people down and telling them nicely when they're gonna pretend like they're gonna try from the bottom of their heart to change then few days later find some petty excuse not to do so. I don't want to be that judgemental but it's the truth. I want to feel like I don't want to see certain people anymore but it's how I truly feel, and the main thing is that I don't want to have to deal with such people when I'm trying to enjoy my time with the others there. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!

I'm so glad I'm meeting Avis tomorrow cos she's one of those that make me feel so happy I can't wait :]

This is so weird I'm in the middle of an episode of The Real World: Sydney and I just feel like I have to say this. For those who don't know what the show is about, it's something like Laguna Beach, only a lot more interesting drama other than just girls stealing each other's boyfriends and bitching to each other about it.

I'm into the 12th episode already, and there's this girl Trisha who talks about religion and how she strongly believes in God, but she's the most dramatic girl in the house. She claims she's a staunch Christian but she broke a chastity vow she made to her parents and kissed another guy when she claims she loves her current boyfriend. But my point is not about religion, it is the fact that a good friend is one that points out your mistakes and flaws, and should not agree with you all the time. There's another girl in the house, Shauvon, who used to hang out with another girl Parisa, but once she finds out that Parisa has different views about relationships and stuff than her, she starts hanging out with Trisha and feels that she can click with Trisha more. The thing about the Trisha-Shauvon friendship is that they both agree with each all the time. Parisa and Trisha liked the same guy in one episode, and Shauvon has the view that even though Trisha already has a boyfriend, the fact that Trisha started flirting with him first makes him her teritory. So that's when all this drama between Trisha and Parisa escalades.

What I really want to say is that if a friend is truly looking out for you, he or she will not agree with your point of view on a certain issue just to make you feel better. Even if a person is downright upset, no friend should say "Oh you're not in the wrong" is you really don't agree with he/she deep down just because you don't want to hurt his/her feelings. I'm not saying that when the person is breaking down, you go ahead and tell him/her "No it's your fault, you dug your own grave now why are you here bitching about it". If your friend is in the wrong, tell him/her in a nice polite way. Make it known that you're looking out for him/her, and that you're not trying to be judgemental. I mean here I am being judgemental about someone for being a hypocrite. I mean no one can help from being judgemental even though we're not supposed to be. But if your friend cheated on his/her partner, do not be the one to say "He/she drove you to it. He/she was the one who was flirting with her/him in front of you first" if you truly truly don't believe that. Do not be the one to make your friend feel good about doing the wrong thing, when you know he/she shouldn't have under whatever circumstances. If your friend is going down the wrong path, it is up to you to lead him/her right back on track. Most importantly, be understanding and caring at the same time. Cos if you keep supporting your friend in whatever bad shit he/she does, things only become a whole lot worse. I know I'm being stupid learning moral values from a reality TV show which I don't know is entirely true or not, but I have taken something from watching it, and I strive to be in the same category as the type of good friend I just described.

I'm glad I got off my chest, time to finish off the episode yo

Had dinner at the cricket club yesterday with my family, my Godfather and Godbrother. The evening was pretty bad cos my voice was more or less gone. So I had a hard time choosing a meal that wasn't too killer on my throat or too bland either, and I had at least 6 glasses of warm water at the dinner table alone. And when I spoke no one could hear me clearly so I had to scream a little more. Post dinner was much more enjoyable, the parents had drinks at the "old folks" lounge while my sis, Godbro and me headed to the pub upstairs which was a lot more hip. It was a little weird in the beginning cos we don't meet up that often and stuff, but it got a whole lot better after the first 5 minutes. We were in the same kindergarten so we exchanged embarrassing stories. The funniest one was when he did a performance in an orange dinosaur suit and he refused to put on makeup. I immediately pictured his head in the dinosaur costume.

Voice is three-quarters back today, which was good cos I did quite a fair bit of chatting today. Went down to AC this morning to pass Nat some notes. Ending up meeting a few people in school. Talked to Nat, Thongs and Debra for a bit. Then I saw Ting Wye in school, haven't seen her since results or probably earlier. She still as pretty as ever, came down fore a swim with her classmate. Caught up a bit about uni and stuff. Managed to catch up with Kim too, talked for quite a long time. Shared pretty personal stuff, I liked knowing what was going on with her and all. Then saw Azmi in school, he came over and we chatted for a while too. He looked so so happy now that he's accepted into NUS. Kim and I agreed that he won the interviewer with his CHARMING PERSONALITY HAHA. Caught a neak peek of Shawn Lai, Francine and Meng Qi. Then I left to meet LYNN!

Lynn and I headed over to KAP to get junk food. We ended up getting tonnes of fruits, strawberries, raspberries and green grapes. super yummy plus healthy. We watched JUNO :] you never get tired of that movie. Then we went up to my room, chilled on my bed and she opened up to me quite a bit. Like Kim's, I really liked knowing what was going on in her life too. Another enjoyable day just catching up with good friends and random people.

Now I'm coming down with a frigging flu, damn this shit is never gonna end. I want this phlaegm nightmare to be over.

I've been saying this over and over but I'm so blessed to still have the opportunity to pursue what I've wanted for a really long time even though I did not do as well as I was supposed to. I shouldn't have been so upset the moment I got my results, I mean I couldn't help it it was a natural reaction. But I shouldn't have been so upset over it for a long time, and I should have trusted in the fact that I've been having an extremely good year this year. Now I'm going to be starting the course that I've wanted so badly all this while, and even though I'm going a slightly longer route than the conventional one to get what I want, I still cannot believe this is happening. It's definitely a wake up call for me to start working hard for what I want and just focus on acing uni and getting the career of my dreams. I've never really done well in school and it's my turn to be up there with the smart kids. I had such a downhill 2 years in AC and it's all turned around now. I have only one person to thank. We're not meant to lead miserable lives the whole time we're alive, and all the bad shit will end soon enough. In the words of the wise N.E.R.D.:

"Shit happens, just blow it off."

Holy Crap I think I'm a little high haha. 

Meeting the Woman Gang tomorrow at The Tea Party :] Haven't been there in a while, and haven't seen the girls in a while either. A day with the girls is gonna be a blast.

MY DAD'S AND MY DREAM CAR

Ok actually it's already the 21st since it's now 1.52am.

I shall attempt to make a photo story today. Here goes-

MET LYNN TODAY :]

Missed her so much, didn't see her for oh so long till today. Went for lunch at THAI EXPRESS at CityLink Mall (sorry I don't have a photo of it, lynn does haha). Haven't eaten there for a really long time too, I even almost forgot that I had the member's card. Miss that Tom Yam Stick Noodles In Seafood Soup/3103. Our conversations were extremely brain-stimulating and very down-to-earth, and I enjoyed that a lot. it's been a while since I've had deep, serious conversations with anyone. Next we headed to BILLY BOMBERS for a milkshake, and boy was it a milkshake. We tried the Liquor Shake, Chocolate with BAILEYS (no photo of that either oops). Heavenly! It's my new favourite favourite shake flavour at BB. Talked a lot more there, she shared a lot and I'm glad she opened up to me. The waitress kept refilling our cups with water, the moment my cup was empty she immediately sprung to our table and asked if I wanted a refill. Good service I supposed, but extremely bad for my bladder.

Then we headed to CHIJMES !

Haven't been there in eons either. It's so awesome there are so many more pubs and stuff there, and each one has it's own ambience to it I just wanna go to every single one. Sat atthe fountain, and since lynnie poo LOVES taking photos-

we snapped a few.

All in all I had a blast!

Lynn if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANKS FOR BRINGING ME TO ALL MY ULTIMATE FAVOURITE PLACES THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE :] Let's not wait so long till the next date yea ? Remember all the places we're supposed to hit next:

Cricket Club
Timbre
Insomnia at CHIJMES
Seoul Garden

Can't wait for the yacht party baby!

Her hun dropped me off at luvky plaza, met Celeste and Nat after that. Went to Wheelock to buy Nat's pod casing then headed over to lido for dinner. Snapped a few more-

Went to Starbucks to chill after that. Love that new drink with such a long name. Ice Shaken Passion Lemonade Tea, or something like that. Ok Singapore is seriously too small, met quite a number of people in town-

Trisha: outside Orchard MRT
Joy+Shagun: outside Lucky Plaza
Donna Mae and her non-stealth bunch: Wheelock Apple shop
Hanna+Shagun: Lido
Amelia: Lido
Henryk/Shane: Wheelock Starbucks
Van: Wheelock Starbucks

All in a span of slightly less than 4 hours.

Met Nat Pam and Joe for Kung Fu Panda at Cathay on tuesday :] Ann Marie is so funny, misread the "tomorrow" in Pam's message and got the date wrong.

I like this photo story thing a lot. Yay car shopping with the dad tomorrow, I shall take more photos so the photo story can be more coherent.

Ok "Black and Gold" by Sam Sparro is on major repeat mode now. HOLY SHIT I JUST TOTALLY LOST MY VOICE ! tried to sing and nothing came out. I guess tomyam+prawnfritters+fishcake+chocolatebaileysshake+kfcmashpotato+StarbucksIceShakenPassionLemonadeTea+USstylecholatelymuffin=SORE THROAT

Crap another night of non-stop coughing. Good thing I had such a blast today that if I die coughing tonight at least I had a rockin' last day.

Funny thing I'm at the poolside accompanying my mum cos she wanted to swim and was too shy to come down alone. The breeze is so awesome and I had no idea there was wireless here. So I'm just chilling and it's the perfect setting to create a post. Though nothign much happened today. Oooo another cooling breeze just came in again :]

I have decided to work long hours for the next 3 months so that I can save up for a camcorder and possibly an SLR so that I can bring back amazing photos from UK. Ph the camcorder's for recording future outings to keep. I just need freaking HMV to get back to me soon.

SWEET CHARIOT OF FIRE, COME SWING US ALL AWAY
SING US A SONG A DAY

N.E.R.D. is the coolest band ever, too cool to ever hold a concert in Singapore I bet. BUMMER!

The day that Tiff had to leave finally came. I remember thinking in May that her leaving was still a month away and there was still time. But for the first time, in all of the send-offs that I've been to, it was a really happy one. She looked like she was all ready to head over there and start fresh. Even her family members took it extremely well. So ironic when she said "This is so SAD why is no one crying ?" Good change, huge contrast to Gaby's and Fang's very first send-off. I'm happy that she didn't shed a tear, it meant that it wasn't that hard for her to say goodbye. Just look at her huge smile in the photo-

But I'm gonna miss her a hell lot.

In love with the movie Something New, been watching it on major repeat mode. I think inter-racial relationships are extra sweet, and even more extra rare. And Simon Baker's character in that movie is every girl's dream spouse. Doubt such romances exist in real life. There was this couple sitting beside me in the MRT train on the way home from the airport, and the way the husband/boyfriend responded to his wife/girlfriend was so mundane and uninterested, closer to the level of annoyed. Though she was asking rather irrelevant questions. I immediately compared them to the Kenya-Brian pair in the movie, which was obviously an insult to the pair in the movie. I think movies create dreams in your head, giving us false hopes that such amazing lives the characters enjoy can actually have a 1% chance of happening to us. And then reality sets in. Maybe that's why people prefer watching and reading about controversy and tragedy as opposed to the fairytale endings and happily ever afters because we all figured a long time ago that life cannot be that wonderful. That's why we enjoy watching reality TV for the very fact that they dwell on our very belief that our lives are destined to be filled with problems, drama, arguments and unlimited unhappiness. Instead of the perfect life they focus on the "life's not what you see on TV" theme, sometimes a bit too much. You know what, it's the media's fault that all of us have lost faith in the possibility that someday we might have the perfect life. Oh my it's like having a debate in my head.

But if my life were to end up like in the movie, my life would have been worth living. She's a corporate lawyer who has a free-spirited husband to show her the other side of life and balance her out. And other than the fact that I hate corporate work, if I were to end up like her I'd be the happiest woman in the world. Guess the media's notion of "no happy endings" hasn't taken over me entirely :]

Enough of the serious stuff, now a glimpse of some of the spastic things I did in Penang-

I LOVE MY COUSINS (ben and joe included)  A LOT A LOT A LOT. can't wait to see them again in December.

I NEED TO GET MY FREAKING LICENSE AND TEST DRIVE THAT 4000CC JEEP. and my mum got the green light on the Peugeot 207. New ride at the end of this month yo.

Haven't been blogging in a real real long time. But i decided to post this not for others to see but more of an avenue for me to talk to myself rather. Sounds odd I know but I haven't had a deep conversation with anyone in a while. Sometimes it's good to tickle the brain and heart every now and then. So if there are still human lifeforms actually visiting this page please excuse the ramblings. Or go ahead and get sucked into it, be my guest :]

Went to test drive cars with my mum today. She tested the Honda City which I have no idea why she ever had interest in, and the Peugeot 207. She liked the Peugeot a lot more, so did I. Thought it fitted her style more. Managed to catch a sneak peek of the JEEP WRANGLER. MY NEW DREAM CAR ! Can't wait to get my license and test drive that awesome thing.

Applied for a job at HMV on Monday, and they haven't gotten back to me yet. Hope I get it though, it would be fun being surrounded by CDs as a job. Personally I would very much enjoy that.

Can't believe Tiff's leaving this sunday. It's going to be very different without her and her quirkiness. She's the kind of person you would always want to be around, asking you if you are alright when you show the very very slightest bit of sadness. I really wish her well in Australia, it's gonna be a sad day sunday.

I'm having mixed feelings about UK. I'm really very excited to go over and experience a whole new lifestyle and circle of friends, but never in a million years would I have thought I'd be leaving Singapore at 19. But the more I stay in Singapore the more I feel like leaving. It's just how people treat each other, including strangers which is such a turn off. And not that I'm sick of my friends or anything like that, I love my close ones. But I feel like I need to change my circle of friends all together, not that it's really big now or whatever. It feels like all social circles do pretty much the same thing over and over. Clubbing, drinking, shopping, eating. Sounds fun at first but it gets really boring after a while. Maybe that's why I've not been in the mood to hang out anymore. Except for those whom I don't get to see very often. Extremely sick of the spoilt brats and insincere and full-of-bullshit people that consider me one of their friends. All this makes me even more sad that people like Tiff are leaving. I really love my close friends, but I think that everyone needs one really close friend. Thanks to experience the term 'best friend' is just a label which has been shifted from one person to another just like that, like it means nothing. Sadly the previous one I had became a huge disaster. One just has to have higher priority than the rest. Hopefully I find one overseas and not here. I need an environment change NOW.

I'm so glad I'm restarting tap again. It felt good being able to do all that footwork after so long. Plus it's a good workout, I was panting heavily after a few wings. But finally I get to do something I'm relatively good at. And as a bonus I get to spend more time with Chew before I leave.

All in all, it's concluded that I need a new lifestyle.